03 Sep 2021

I’ve been meaning to write about traffic for some time now, but every time I consider it, I immediately give up, thinking that ‘it’s a lost case’ as a result of experiencing the following :

Minibusses slaloming between cars,

Public transport vehicles that stop in the middle of the street, don’t even bother to pull aside the designated pockets on the sideway,

The canny that cut in front of the queue, without any respect for those who wait in line,

The thoughtless pricks, not waiting people to park their car on the street,

Acrobats who can take their legs out the window while they drive,

Busses that overtake another bus while driving on the fast lane,

Idiots drive around the city with their children sticking out the roof of the car,

Smugs that don’t move an inch without using a blinker,

Parents that allow their kids to travel on their lap on the driver’s seat (while they are driving) and amuse their kids,

The VIP’s who consider the emergency lane as their own private property,

Romantics who think the car they drive is some sort of a journal,

Even after all the warnings, and accidents and page-three-news, mothers who carry their kids on their laps in the front seat,

The designers who color their headlights and blinkers to their preference,

Women looking for a parking spot right in front of their hairdresser with their blinkers on,

Principles that turn on their blinkers on the empty highway,

Motorcycle couriers that abuse the other vehicles by honking in any type of traffic, no matter whether the traffic is stuck or it flows, 

The Doblos that are always in a hurry and always push the speed limits,

The reckless that constantly throw their trash out their window to nature or at other drivers,

Those who speak on the phone at the top of their voice and make us listen to them,

Motorbikes that go on the pavement,

Truck drivers that hand the necessity of safety to God,

Goats that get stubborn once they come across on a narrow street,

The brilliant idiots that form a third lane on a two-lane road in stuck traffic,

The ones that drive in the middle of two lanes to guarantee themselves,

The higher beings who think they can drive on the emergency lane at high speed honking the monster’s pipe,

Those who cannot stand to see women drivers and steer the wheel towards women drivers once they see them,

Motorcycle couriers wearing their helmet on their arms, with a cigarette on their lips and talking on the phone,

The cautious ones who drive at 50km/ph on the fast lane,

The orchestra conductors who drive with their hands on the horn constantly,

The clever ones who tail an ambulance,

Those who swear at the ones who stop the traffic and give way to an animal crossing the street,

Those who clean their cars quickly before leaving the parking spot by throwing all their trash on the street,

The ones that turn on the volume and make us listen to the music they like while stuck in traffic,

Those who are in a rush and honk immediately when someone gives way to a pedestrian that crosses the street,

Those who leave their car at the gas station, thinking it’s their own backyard,

Cab drivers who think they have all the priority and act accordingly,

Parking attendants that ruin the car; stinking, snobbish, with no manners,

Arrogant drivers who park on the parking line and occupying spot for two cars just by themselves,

Bugs that park on the disabled spots,

The pathetic who consider themselves to be the priority in traffic, and not the vehicle or their title,

The “know-it-alls” who always want to be “on the lane that moves”,

Cops that play with their phone while all the rules and regulations are broken right under their nose,

The crowd that does not understand anything about signalization, let alone deceleration or acceleration, and see themselves as ‘perfect’ every time they look at the mirror.


Acceleration: Speed up

Deceleration: Slow down

Signalization: (Automobile) In civilized communities, it’s a way of expression by means of lights used by drivers since the early 1900s, to inform and warn the other drivers.

Doblo: Commercial, ruffneck vehicle with a sticker of Ataturk or a sultan’s signature (?) according to the political preference of the driver.

Blinker: A flashing light/beacon, some people prefer to attach to their cars, thinking they might draw attention to themselves, since they couldn’t do it in any other area of their lives. (The latest sample I saw was on a Porsche 911, it was the ultimate point!)

VIP: A creature that believes he/she is superior to all the other people.

Principal: An adjective used to define oneself by those who did not achieve much in their lives psychologically and/or sociologically (sometimes even economically).

Monster’s pipe: Saying “Do you know who I am?!” by way of musical notes.